Fire Song
by alonewriter
Summary: A Rent fanfic, revolving around a poem. From Mark's POV


Fire Song  
  
  
Disclaimer- I do not own RENT characters. Jonathan Larson and all involved in the production of this awesome musical technically "own" them. The poem is my own. I made it up, please contact me if you'd like to use it.   
  
  
Candle, candle,  
Burning bright,  
Heed to flickering,  
Friendship's light.  
  
  
I've become second in Roger's life. I don't know when I've realized that, but I know that it happened. Roger would never admit to it, he'd say everything was as it was two Christmas's ago. He's wrong. I've become less important in his life when Mimi came into his life. And I understand my sudden lack of status with him because I know that Benny felt the same way when he first started seeing Alison. I was not as important to him as I was even a week before his date with Alison. Benny always said that we'd be friends forever. Guess forever doesn't last that long.  
  
  
The flame plays,  
Inventing it's own game,  
Disappearing it black,  
Never will be the same.  
  
  
I never asked to be first in anyone's life and I never was. When I was little, Cindy always grabbed my mother's attention and alcohol my father's. In high school, all my friends never truly cared for me. Other things were of higher priority than I. In college, Benny had Alison, Collins true love was philosophy, and Maureen, she had her 'art'. You'd expect that since I dated her maybe she'd actually care about me but even she went around throwing the same old bullshit like everyone else. 'Of course Mark. We care for you. We don't want anyone or anything to hurt you. We'll never leave you Mark. Friends forever.' Roger was the first one who showed me true unbridled friendship. Sure he had  
April but we tied on his list of passions. We both were placed under his music but it was the first time in life that I felt like I mattered. The first time I felt that I wasn't a loser, a nuisance, or unwanted. Roger cared for me, and I cared back. Collins always said that we were the true definition of friends. We'd be the epitome of friends until Roger founds somebody else to love him.  
  
  
Candle wick,  
Black and ash,  
Ignite the flame,  
The electric flash.  
  
  
Our power was out. I remembered that. I was helping Maureen at the lot, being a sucker as usual. When I came back, Roger told with a sigh that he met this girl named Mimi. Reminiscing back to the encounter, he told me, 'Mark. There's some thing there. There was a connection. There were  
sparks,' and from that point on I knew that he'd see Mimi again, and he'd make her part of our family.  
I remembered meeting her too. She was everything that Roger had said about her. Hell, if Roger hadn't stolen her away first, even I'd consider asking her out. She was smart, witty, sexy, and from minute one, she reminded Roger to pick up something. She was stealing my job. My job, my only link to Roger at this point would slowly be deteriorating before my eyes. I couldn't remind him to do things. Either Mimi had told him first, or he was becoming less scatterbrained since dating Mimi and took his AZT by himself.  
Though Mimi was robbing me of my duties, I couldn't hate her. She never knew what she was doing. She never knew that I used to be the one Roger would choose to hang out with, not the person that he'd hang with only after making sure that Mimi was busy. I became second choice, a third wheel,  
among the same status that Joanne was with Roger. Certainly Roger liked her, but they didn't connect that we once had.  
  
  
Fire's never permanent,  
Stays as long as it pleases,  
Just one simple action,  
Extinguishes friendship's teases.  
  
  
Roger said our friendship was like concrete. We'd always be there for each other and the bond would be hard like concrete. I likened our friendship to a candle. At times, the flame between us could be so bright and at other times it seems as though that blaze of fire is never there. The inferno can seem so faint. It sure as hell was last fall. When Roger had said I was failure. My best friend said that I lived a lie. And even though he'd insist that he was just angry and everything he said wasn't true I know in my heart that he meant it. He'd know in his heart that he meant it. After that little tiff, we'd still remain friends but it would never be like it was. The candle would never be burning full again.  
  
  
Candle's burns like a demon,  
Possessing ultimate power,  
Watch it grey the edges,  
Of love's delicate flower.  
  
  
So I never completely trusted him again. I know that's a terrible way to be in a friendship, one foot in and one foot out but I felt Roger was doing the same thing. It was a dangerous game, who'd forget the other first. So we started hanging out less. Though we lived in the same apartment, I saw Roger maybe an hour a day. He'd either be down at Mimi's or I'd be in my room, working on films so much that he just missed each other, I guess. He had other more important things in life than caring for me but I didn't .   
Roger was advancing in life and I was stuck. I wasn't doing anything that made me worthwhile in life. Nothing mattered. Nothing made life special like it was two years ago when I had friends. I became what I was most afraid of; being a nuisance, a loser, and lastly unwanted. My friends didn't need me anymore. The candle was burning down and it was about ready to go out...for good.  
  
  
Candle's light,  
Lessons learned,  
Nothing's left,  
All has burned.  



End file.
